You are hereRevek could have saved himself some pain

Revek could have saved himself some pain


By Q-Bert - Posted on 06 April 2009

.. if he would have used this rating system. See Ultraviolet.

See if you favorite crap movie would have scored high on the helicopter scale.

Swag's picture

Broken arrow wasn't that bad.

Die Hard 3 was the best in the series, in my humble opinion.

And the new Terminator movie actually looks good (having Christian Bale and Terminators is always a winning situation).

Stupid list.

Akuf's picture

DO NOT REPEAT THIS TO EGYPT GIRL!!!!!!!!

Swag's picture

Actually she was telling me that she hates science-fiction movies since she had to watch a bunch in a course that she took a while back.

Ex: 2001 A Space Odessey, The Fifth Element, Blade Runner (??!!), etc....

Too bad...

MauriceRevek's picture

Those were all good movies!! Maybe you should introduce her to the Star Wars movies. Start with Episode I.

Coxxorz's picture

Trying to get women to do something they don't like is never a good idea.

Even after you're married.

Akuf's picture

The fact that he says those are good movies???

MauriceRevek's picture

I forgot to indicate that I was using SARCASM! Any movie with Jar Jar inside that does not involve him getting blown up, is bad.

Akuf's picture

I am misunderstanding...
But I was talking about these: Ex: 2001 A Space Odessey, The Fifth Element, Blade Runner (??!!), etc....

MauriceRevek's picture

Classics! Heathen! Speak not bad about Mila!

Akuf's picture

First - If you judge a movie because some good looking girl is in it. You need therapy. I guess you thought show girls was good too didn't you? Make sure you wash your hands after.

Second - Wasn't Mila like 12 in that movie?

Third - As others on this site know, your taste in movies is well I think there is a word the means 'worse than sh*t'.

MauriceRevek's picture

A great American classic. Along the lines of Gone with the Wind Bag. A Bridge Not Far Enough. The Wizard of Osmond. Dickman and Throbin (Holy Fridig Women Dickman!).

It was so great, that I got Blackwalt the collectors edition for either his B-Day or X-Mas. Can't remember which. It included a wonderful game called: Pin the Tastle on the Stripper.

And, little did you know, Showgilrs is a great movie to watch with your friends. What you do is play the movie on Mute and invent your own dialogue. You can also play your own music track. It's even better when you combine it with the Showgirls drinking game. Everytime the star of the movie (anybody remember her name? Anybody care?) flashes a boob (singular, like that you double the number of shots), you drink a shot. You will be plastered before the movie is 1/2 hour in.

Now if you really want to get hammered, you take a shot for every second of exposure. Make sure that you don't use the one shot per boob exposed rule, as you would probably risk severe alcohol poisoning.

A Troll's picture

When the Canadian film industry starts actually producing movies rather then sending the talent south of the border or playing host to Hollywood types to come to Canada to film American produced movies, you can say something.

You need to get out more rather than watching anything like showgirls. I was so bored 45 minutes into it even with the T and A I turned it off. Using for a drinking game is akin to getting a colonoscopy for Christmas.

MauriceRevek's picture

I think I stomped on a nerve there. Yes, showgirls is a very bad movie. I did go to see it at the theater when it came out, and wanted to gouge my eyes out every time she started talking.

My problem is not with American movies per say, although I do harp on them a lot. It is with the corporations that have taken control of the whole movie making business. More often than not, most movies are controlled by committees, with an entire floor of writers writing a page each, where story and dialogue is considered to be filler around the stunts / special effects. There are fewer and fewer movies that actually try to tell a story, let alone a good one.

There are exceptions to this of course, like Clint Eastwood. Although know for his portrayal of Dirty Harry, I think I could safely say that any film he has directed has been more about a story than filler. The 2 WWII movies that he made 2 years ago Sands of Iwo Jima and Letters from Iwo Jima were both excellent movies. His last one from the holidays Grand Torino was also a great movie with an engaging story, although I did find he was trying to much to club us over the head with the "I am a bigot".

The other day, I was watching The 10 Commandments, and I came to a realization. A lot of the earlier movies seemed to center around being theater captured on film. All of the actors where theatrically trained, had good stage presence, and it translated well to the screen.

Blade Runner? American. Great movie.
2001 A Space Odyssey? American. Great Movie.
Fifth Element? American. Very fun movie.

Showgirls? Horrible movie. Gag gift DVD kind.

So yes, Americans do make great movies, when it is not controlled by a committee of writers.

Akuf's picture

Notice how he now says Fifth Element? American. Very fun movie.
lol

MauriceRevek's picture

A fun movie. It is one of those great ensemble movies, where the stars mix well together. Chris rock was perfect in his roll. The way he a Bruce Willis played off of one another was well done as well. How could you not find the "Gimme the cassssshhh. Nice hat." scene not funny? Or when the General tries to recruit Willis for the mission to save the galaxy by posing as a maried couple, and introduces him to East German version of Princess Leia, and looks at Willis with a perplexed look as to why he is not interested.

"Aziz! Light!"

"Autowash"

"Bzzzzzzzz"

A Troll's picture

business. Some you would recognize and others are behind the scenes.

You are right about the control by committee if a studio is producing the movie. Eastwood is big enough he can pretty much do what he wants and get the financial backing on his own. The one nice thing about Hollywood is that they roll out enough movies that every once in awhile there is a good one. Most are not, but some are.

Coxxorz's picture

The REAL nice thing is that after directing a few high-profit turds, good directors will be given the chance to work on what they really want. Now if we can just get Peter Jackson's Halo movie back on track...

MauriceRevek's picture

Are you saying that the LOTR Trilogies where not good? And who can forget Dead Alive (or Braindead as it is known in the rest of the world), a classic zombie movie!

Akuf's picture

See I would much rather being doing those things WITH REAL WOMEN!!!!!!!! Without the movie of course. I think we would be making out own.

Though this explains quite bit. Maybe next time I introduce you to someone I will put a mock screen in front of her then maybe you can relate. Just remember it isn't really your TV so you won't have paper towels.

Oh and shave your palms.

Akuf's picture

She was 22..

But still judging a movie this way...
Thank goodness you're not a movie critic.

Stormblade's picture

Ultraviolet?

Coxxorz's picture

Not a bad movie in that bunch. Would watch them all again.

Except 2001, which I try to limit to once every 15 years.

A Troll's picture

What aspect of it do you not like Aku?

Akuf's picture

..I don't remember...it has been a long time since I have seen and I just remember thinking 'what a stupid movie' after I watched it.

hmm...maybe I will give it a second chance.

Coxxorz's picture

More evidence that studio meddling ruins a perfectly good movie.

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