Day 4

Welcome to day 4, and I think I'm getting chest pains.

Still feeling the sting of missing out on a coupon a few nights ago, I decided to start with the savings, and choose my pizza from there.

Enter Just-Eat.ca. This is a website dedicated to providing online ordering services for restaurants in Toronto and Ottawa that wouldn't otherwise offer such perverted convenience. To help promote themselves (and their affiliates), they spread around coupon codes at various family-friendly venues, such as Frosh Week.

So armed with my coupon code (and some things that cannot be un-seen), I headed for the internet. First step: create a login. No problem. Next, find restaurants in my area. Milano Pizzeria! Haven't had their pie in a while. Perfect!

I click menu. Lots of choices! I think I'll try Hawaiian tonight. Wait, what's this? Hawaiian Plus? Me and Snuffy D used to concoct some pretty bizarre pizzas back in the day (such as the double-pineapple +bacon Hawaiian), so I'm intrigued. "Ham, pineapple, bacon & olives". Now I love olives, but not on Hawaiian. That's an entirely different flavour department, and the two should not be mixed. Kind of like mint and chocolate.

My advanced math skills determine that it would be cheaper to get a regular Hawaiian, and simply add bacon. I don't see an option to do that. Wait, here it is in light gray italic, way back at the top: "Additional toppings also available. Click 'select extras' on the following page."

So I do so, and then on to the next step: choose delivery time. Wait! I'm picking up on my way home. Where is the option for pickup?!!! I go back to the start.

Way in the corner is a small popup menu that offers the critical options. Not very well laid out. I select "Pickup Night", and... now my cart is empty. I reselect my pizza. Select added bacon. Checkout now. "Choose a delivery time."

NOOOoooOOoo! I can't be that dense, can I? Am I the first person to use this service? During signup, did I unwittingly agree to not move from my couch, allowing the delivery guy access to my house, where he is required to cram the selected pizza down my gaping pie-hole?

I start once again, determined to scour each page for further hidden options, and even contemplate switching to Firefox (sacrilege!) just in case.

Select "Pickup Night". Choose my pizza. Next. Select added bacon. Checkout. Choose a delivery time.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

At this point I spot the cheerful little Live Chat button, and click it so hard as to make co-workers stop and look what the trouble is. The super-perky online helper elf confirms that I'm doing it right, and swears up and down that the restaurant will get the note that it's for pickup, if that's what I choose.

Once again, I select "Pickup Night". Choose my pizza. Next. Select added bacon. Checkout. Try VERY hard not to look at the delivery time menu, and the estimated time of delivery. Proceed to enter my credit card number and shoe size. At this point I notice a tiny bit of light gray text that says "Ordered for Take-Away today at 19:00. Yay?

Brimming with something resembling confidence (could have been hunger), I Google the address to confirm, and only confirm that I know for a fact it's not where Google is telling me. With the help of Street View, I spot a blurry smooching couple, and the restaurant... a block away. And I'm off.

Several minutes later, there is no sign of the couple, but the pizza place is right where it should be (not at the funeral home). I swagger into the joint, and declare to the man (not a dude this time) that he has my pizza, and I would like it now.

"Was that for delivery?" he asks, squinting at the monitor.

"No, I ordered it for take out," I mumble, defeated.

"You're lucky, I was about to send it with the driver."

Conclusion

Milano pizza is an excellent, hefty pizza with no shortage of quality cheese and toppings. Which is easy to do if 50% of your toppings are bacon (chunks, not ground). I think the online ordering system actually counted each of my failed attempts to add bacon as additional toppings. What little was left over reheated well.

Tonight: For the love of god and all that is holy, please don't make me order pizza again tonight.
°rz