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The HoC decision making process


By Blackwalt - Posted on 28 January 2008

Let’s go through the process of a hypothetical clan member buying his next game.

This shouldn't be too hard. Let's pick between two games.

Okay, first game: What's new and Highly rated?

Burnout Paradise. Sounds good, let's look it up.

    The fifth installment in the Burnout series gives players license to wreak havoc in Paradise City, the ultimate racing battleground, with a massive infrastructure of traffic-heavy roads to abuse. Gone is the need to jump in and out of menus and aimlessly search for fun like many open world games; in Burnout 5, every inch of the world is built to deliver heart-stopping Burnout-style gameplay. Every intersection is a potential crash junction and every alleyway is an opportunity to rack up moving violations.

Hmmm, rated 89% through Gamerankings.com. That's pretty high. Published by EA sports. Fifth game in a series of highly rated games – lowest rated Xbox version was 78%.

This looks like a pretty good bet. I know some of the other clan members have been talking about it.

Okay, second option: what could our second option be? Let's pick something totally random. How about...

The History Channel presents Civil War: A Nation Divided Review.

Yep, that's pretty random. Sounds good, lets look it up.

    Immerse yourself in the intensity, carnage, and chaos of the war that divided a nation! Experience history brought to life in the first ever first-person action game based on the Civil War. Play as a Confederate or Union soldier in America’s most historic battles including Gettysburg, Bull Run and Antietam. Use authentic firearms, fight in intense hand-to-hand combat, place explosives, sabotage enemy artillery, destroy buildings, and more!

Rated 56% through Gamerankings.com. That's pretty low. Published by Activision. A debut title with no history (get it?).

Authentic firearms? It was the fracking Civil War! BFG? P90? Hammer of Dawn? Nope. Muskets (bore loading!), revolvers and bowie knives. Gee, can't wait.

Okay, final answer: In the tried and true Herd of Cats style the clan member chooses...

...wait for it...

The History Channel presents Civil War: A Nation Divided Review.

Like there was any doubt.

Woo hoo!! The crowd goes wild! There is a loud hosanna as the sky opens up and sunbeams shine down upon the clan member.

Now all that's left is to sit by the mailbox and wait for the package to arrive (sadly, I think this was the most enjoyable part of the game).

Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Very coincidental and very dead (again).

Q-Bert's picture

... what you did there.

Stormblade's picture

Like he was subtle about it. And besides, Civil War is a good game!

Alright, alright, I'll buy the fracking game already! Geez.

MauriceRevek's picture

You will be taunted until you buy the game.

Stormblade's picture

Or we'll be discussing your membership in Guitar Heroes Anonymous ...

Coxxorz's picture

Guitar
Hero
Anonymous
Yahoos

Q-Bert's picture

Now I have to clean my screen and keyboard.

MauriceRevek's picture

You seem to have this proclivity to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

A few days ago:

Maurice: "Hey Q-Bert, I need to borrow you drill and your stud finder"

Q-Bert: "Drill is downstairs" *changes voice to low and husky* "The stud finder is right here"

Maurice: "Gaaaaaaayyyyyyy"

Clean your screen and keyboard?

Stormblade's picture

Need I say more?

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