You are hereThe Ultimate HoC Wedding Gift – Update #2

The Ultimate HoC Wedding Gift – Update #2


By Blackwalt - Posted on 04 November 2012

The Weapons *cough* *cough*... I totally meant to say tools

Note: the HoC Zombie Defence Tools sheet is available for download as a PDF.

Ignoring briefly the construction of the Ammo Crate let's discuss the tools of choice. We set a few minor criteria before making our choices.

  1. They had to be tools
  2. Tools that could be useful around the Arundel house – admittedly outside
  3. They had to be theoretically useful in case of the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse
  4. They had to be cool

Most of the selection discussion happened between Coxxorz and I. We settled quickly on the Dead On Annihilator Wrecking bar. It turned out to be the only tool not available locally or in Canada. I immediately made it Coxxorz' problem by assigning it to him.

    Dead On Annihilator Ultimate Wrecking Bar

    An 18-Inch Utility and Wrecking Bar used for breaking down hard surfaces, as well as other general hammer uses. Can be used as a demolition hammer, bottle opener, nail puller/tile ripper, board straightener, demolition axe, wrench/nail puller and chisel.
    This multi-tool can work as a building tool, hammering nails and straightening boards, as well as a destruction tool, cutting cables and pulling down reinforcements. All you have to do, though, is look at this thing and know it has a much less noble and more brutal purpose. It makes a wicked anti-zombie device.


The Annihilator was the last to arrive through some convoluted Coxxorz' family underground railroad. But it arrived in plenty of time and was quickly added to the Ammo Crate as the primary showcase tool. It also turned out to be the only tool whose write up did not come from the manufacturer's page. In fact, it came from Think Geek.

All the other tool write ups came from the manufacturer's pages.

Filling out the selection of other tools ended up being easier than I had suspected. I took a trip into Le Baron Outdoor Products on Merivale Road here in town. There I stumbled upon a sales person who was more than willing (in a very scary way) to help me in my quest. Not only willing but demonstrative which is not something you really want in this case. Not only did he have a selection of tools to recommend but he had pre-tested all of them. I stopped asking for details after the shovel. Yes, the shovel:

    Cold Steel Special Forces Shovel


    The Special Forces Shovel is modeled after the original Soviet Spetznaz shovel. The Spetznaz soldiers made up the most elite unit in the Soviet Army. The U.S. equivalent would be our Green Berets. The shovel head and socket are forged from medium carbon steel, then heat treated for maximum strength. The edges come sharpened to a utility/axe edge that can easily be improved to razor sharpness.
    The Special Forces Shovel comes complete with a specially made Cor-Ex sheath. The sheath features an extra wide belt loop.


A shovel that was designed to be thrown! A melee and a distance tool combined! When I read the extra wide belt part I even thought "perfect" but then I realized that they meant only the belt loop was extra wide. Oh well, close.

The Le Baron sales rep assured me that it throws "really well" and that it had been thoroughly and rigorously tested. I got more scared but had to continue talking to him as I needed at least two more tools. Speaking of which:

    Ka-Bar Zombie War Sword

    In an ever-changing world, the need for preparedness has never been greater. Without notice the game can change and the rules no longer apply.
    Questioning your gear at a crucial moment is not an option. Whether setting up camp or securing your perimeter, the Original Zombie knives are designed to perform under the most rigorous, unexpected and apocalyptic situations.


A machete is pretty much required for any respectable Zombie Tool Kit but not just any machete would do. We found a Ka-Bar machete that even had the word "zombie" in its name. "Ka-Bar Zombie War Sword." That just sounds awesome on its own. The fact that it had appeared on the Walking Dead and was part of the Ka-Bar Zombie line were just extras. It made the Canadian Tire Special that I had been eyeing look pretty pathetic in comparison.

Last but not least:

    Gerber Camp Axe II

    Hand-to-hand combat with the Walking Dead? We don’t recommend it. If you do, however, find yourself going toe-to-toe with a decomposing creep we suggest the Camp II. It’s our single-hand axe made for close quarter confrontations with a walker. It has an elongated handle which means more forceful bone crushing with every swing. Complete with a molded plastic sheath, this is Gerber’s essential hand axe for survival in a postoutbreak society.
    Also an all-purpose hand axe for setting up camp and chopping wood.


My favourite part of the Gerber Camp Axe was the asterisk added on the manufacturer's write up, "Also an all-purpose hand axe for setting up camp and chopping wood." Well. Good to know it has a secondary purpose.

And that was it. Four tools for our In Case of Zombie Attack Ammo Crate, all appropriate (mostly) as general tools as well as useful in a Zombie Apocalypse. We also added in a couple of other minor items. We had others but space turned out to be limited.

  • An Ikea First Aid kit – where else would you go for your medical supplies?
  • Married with Zombies – a novel whose title pretty much says it all.
  • The Zombie Combat Manual: A Guide To Fighting The Living Dead – the ultimate guide to surviving a zombie attack.
  • A small camouflage folding knife of a well known design. Technically a Chinese knock off of a well known design but still, a well known design. I'm sure it's just as good and not prone at all to breaking during a Zombie Attack. Or not, whoops, our bad.

Here is a reminder picture of the Zombie Ammo Case and all its contents. Although you can not see all the holders, sheaths, packaging and documentation that are underneath the tools themselves.

Coxxorz's picture

No writeup for the pink Sharpie?

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Please stop talking.

-Graybush

Some lines may have been crossed.

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