Consider the possibilities

A virtual headache.
You have to beat them at this game.
Here is what you do take an aspirin/advil/tylenol whatever to her. And chances are she will say 'I don't have a headache' then you say 'ok blow me', ' Bend over' whatever. You can call me to obtain the entire list for $99.99 because there are too many to type here and I am sure you don't know all the different options.

Leaking pixels.
Well, I have never had a woman leak pixels before.
But if she is leaking from other voids in her body it could mean that she wants you fill her void.

A bad day.
Massage her feet after her bad day. Then follow the instructions under 'headache'

Just wants to be... held? Paused?
Before you hold her follow the headache instructions. Then of course use your manhood. Or in your case my genderly confused hood. Either way make sure you put on a good shirt.

To was her hair skins.
WTF does this mean?

Closed input ports.
Ah the classic anti slut defense. this can be tricky sometimes the 'crowbar techniques' are required. I can send them to you for $59.99.

Or worst of all, she could be run by Vista, and crash as soon as I walk into the chamber. I could just picture it...
Well it's not our fault you're not sexually appealing.
There is nothing i can do for you here. Except maybe help you change your diet and exercise.

(In a deep sultry voice)
Oooo [insert name here], you are so manly. Come over here bi.......
The fact that you said 'bi' here is kind of encouraging because it seems your are slowly converting back to being normal.

(In a deep man voice)
WARNING... General Protection Fault in kernel. (Damit! I knew Q-Bert would be involved in this. He didn't compile the right kernel!!) You have performed or were about to permorm an illegal input/ouput operation.
See I am interpreting this as:
General Protection Fault: Condom Breaking
In Kernel: Not sure what gay lingo is but ass.
Damit! I knew Q-Bert would be involved in this. He didn't compile the right kernel: Q-Bert it's ok you only have one hole to worry about with me.
You have performed or were about to permorm an illegal input/ouput operation: Well I am not going to explain this one. But use your imagination

BTW there are several 'Reveks' in Revek's original post.
And I added a few purposely to add to the fun.