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Yes, it's that time of year again

By Coxxorz - Posted on 13 October 2010

Once again I find myself at home alone for a week, and without anyone to cook for me (and more importantly: to stop me from doing anything stupid), I have decided to try something a little different.

But before you panic, rest assured that there will be video games. LOTS of video games. I have already promised several people that I would be finishing Halo: Reach with them exclusively, so that's taken care of. Plus I have a few games still in shrinkwrap that should be attended to before they become obsolete. I think Halo 3 might be one of them. And then there's always Battlefield 1943 to fill the gaps.

But while these idle interludes have always been an exercise in maximizing time spent gaming, I have decided to focus on that often-overlooked aspect of bachelorhood: food. While today's food is readily available in many forms, none is more convenient and delicious than that pinnacle of home delivery: pizza! And what better way than to spend the week exploring the various forms of pizza available to me just a touchtone away. Priority will be given to places I have never tried!

DAY 1.

To start the week off right, I decided to try a little local place that I see every day as I drive home from work: Joe's Pizza. Now you may think this a familiar-sounding chain restaurant, but there are literally thousands of Joe's across Canada. And none of them are related, except by virtue of the fact that they make pizza for the average "Joe".

Now I know it breaks the Sloth Code, but I actually went there to order and pick up the pizza. It turns out that I forgot what they were called, which makes it surprisingly difficult to call them. And Google Street View was just a bit too blurry to tell. Which is sad, because the street view photos in Whitehorse are crystal-clear compared to those in the Nation's Capital. Also, at some point they changed their name to "Joe's Pizza Palace", presumably to help stand out from the sub-royal crowd.

Now in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I have eaten their pizza before. But that last visit was somewhat of a disappointment. It took about ten minutes of standing at the counter before I was noticed, as the senior chef was energetically imparting his vast wisdom to the wide-eyed young protege studying under him. Unfortunately this gave me time to count the flies circling the previously-prepared crusts, lovingly smothered in sauce and poised to satisfy the rush of hungry masses that never came. The pizza itself was fine, but tainted by the bitterness of poor service.

This time started much better. I was immediately greeted by a cheerful female, while not exactly of the eye-candy variety, was clearly not there to cook anything. She was still learning the ropes, but knew her way around the register and smiled appropriately. Obviously others had similar experiences to mine, and they were forced to adapt.

Not the actual pizza, but you get the idea.

The pizza once again was "fine", but not memorable. It's a utilitarian type pizza, with a crunchy crust, sturdy sauce, and toppings where they should be - under the cheese. But the cheese can make or break a pizza, and this one was slightly overdone. Not a big deal, but this does affect re-heatability, which I'll address next.

The Next Day

One of the down sides to being on your own is not knowing how much pizza to order for a single adult human. we normally buy a medium, which at most places is comfortably enough for two. And while I always assumed I could polish off the whole thing myself, this turns out - in practice - to not always be the case. The end result is leftovers, which are sometimes enough to form a meal of their own, on a subsequent day. Many will tell you that there is nothing finer than the delicacy known as "cold pizza" (my wife will tell you it's cold KFC, but that's another story). I disagree. While the flavour and consistency of pizza does change with refrigeration (and hopefully not too much time), I feel the more revealing indicator of quality is re-heatability.

Over the years, I have developed a patented method of reheating day-old pizza to near-pizzeria quality steaming goodness. And I've made some interesting discoveries along the way. For example, some pizzas are made with an inferior grade of mozzarella. While this is not always noticeable when it's fresh, it becomes painfully obvious when heated in a microwave: the cheese turns translucent. Yuck!

Just as bad as cheap cheese is overdone cheese. This does not like being reheated by any method, and can impart a "burnt" flavour, even if supplemented with freshly grated mozzarella to compensate. The only solution is complete removal, and that's not always practical when you're in a rush, and well, hungry. Better to just avoid the whole crispy mess and stick with pizzerias you trust. And this is not one of them.


Joe's Pizza is a local business veteran, but this kind of pizza has gone the way of the dinosaur.


Tonight: Who knows?

Swag's picture

very informative.

You should review Barney's Pizza on montreal road right here in Vanier. I swear to god that place is never actually open.

You know what that means.

Personal Game Reviewer's picture

... getting around two minutes of their life back? Anyone?

Graybush's picture

Coxxorz owes us a pizza for subjecting us to that story. But not Joe's pizza.

Coxxorz's picture

How about the two hours we just spent playing Nazi Zombies? Can I have that back?


Please stop talking.


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